


Suicidal Angels

by Nightcoreday_parade



Category: Antisepticeye/Reader - Fandom, Youtubers
Genre: A Lot of Plot, Anti/Reader - Freeform, Eventual Smut, F/M, Nudity, Religion sensitivity, Sins, Swearing, brief breastfeeding, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12012273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightcoreday_parade/pseuds/Nightcoreday_parade
Summary: Suicidal angels are everywhere on earth. Yet they are as rare Astatine. Only a hand few of people have claimed to see the feathered wings dipped in the darkest black.Yet suicidal angels were not looked at in awe. Especially not by God himself. He despises his former angels that had sinned so many times that their wings weren't holly anymore.Yet for you, you sinned only once. Stupidly, you had visited earth for a short period of time and got too nervous to stand up for the name of Jesus. So God himself kicked you with his big toe off the heavenly clouds of heaven.Once you are dropped from such a height the impact can kill the weakest of angels. And if it's not the impact, it’s the altitude that can be lethal. Yet now, here you were recovering from the impact as you could feel the stains of gray on your wings. The more you would sin, the darker the shade they turn, until lucifer claimed you for himself. Yet that wouldn't happen for another era of sinning. Until then, this will be your story.





	1. A Lasting Impact

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! I hope you all are doing good today. If not I hope it gets better and not worse. Anyways. I have wanted to write a new story for a while. And I have always wanted to write an Anti/Reader story. So, since I am still working on my Undertale story, I decided to take some time and start this story. I don't know how frequent I will be able to upload, but I will try to keep myself on top of this story and my other stories.

You picked yourself up quickly. Stumbling, yet falling as you tried to chase after your breath. Every bone in your vessel was burning with dancing flames. 

You curled up not even wanting to look at yourself or your surroundings. Tears started to form in your eyes from the pain. You knew you couldn't just sit and not do anything. So after you had recovered yourself. You sat up in the sand. The texture in every grain made you recoil briefly. 

You disliked desserts. The heat, the cacti, even the animals got weird. 

You shook your head and took in a deep breath. the moment God had kicked you from the heights of heaven you doubted that you were only going to survive the fall. You had only been an angel for a year. the only angels that have survived the fall were century old angels. yet here you were recovering slowly but surely. 

The sun was dipping behind the horizon steadily. and you could your body regenerating energy. you looked around the environment once more. taking a deep wheezing breath.

Shivers ran down your spine of you dying in you sleep. though you dont remember the death of your past life, you knew it was traumatic. 

You shook your head slowly as you served the place carefully. you could smell the highway in the distance and see the shadow it casted in the scorching sunset. 

You shivered from a gust of wind grazing your delicate skin. you snapped your fingers. letting a small fire burn right next to you. you started to wheeze from the strength starting a fire did to you. yet you thankful regained your energy.

You watched the stars settle on the sky calmly, flickering like a  fire. the wind was cool, singing a lullaby to your confused soul. you wanted to sleep but your mind was still trying to grasp a hold of the fact that you had just been kicked out of sol and now cursed with the burden of dragging gray dismantled and messy wings. 

You chuckle quietly under your wheezing breath,  _ If angels had halos your was already broken and in pieces.  _ You thought as you slowed your breath. The smell of the previously burning desert was the only thing that was enjoyable about this wretched place. 

You close your eyes for moment. you realized that only now, had your breath stopped wheezing, but still any sudden movements would make you suffocate in your wheezing breath. 

You curled up next to the fire, feeling the warmth hig your body closely. you drifted of into a river of slumber. 

The sudden cold the scratched at your skin startled you awake making you sit back up quickly, thankfully you didn’t start wheezing. 

You snapped your fingers hesitantly, allowing the fire to flicker back to life. You coughed and started to wheeze quietly but soon quickly got over it. Your mind desired to believe that it was only the wind that killed the fire dramatically. 

But your former angel mind could sense the power of someone else. You surveyed the darkness, fearing it was a hunter or maybe just a regular person who saw the light of your fire from the highway. 

Yet you turned around slowly only to see a figure in the darkness drawing back away from your sight and light. 

You swallowed your fear and looked around in the darkness that encircled you and your fire. Somehow your light was shrinking away from the dark and yielding nervously with each flicker that sent shadows in your lit up circle. 

The figure in the darkness was only taunting with you. Your mind only started to jump to conclusions with every unknown sound in the endless night. 

The figure stepped away from the shadows. The shadows feeding off his energy, making him look even more menacing as the fire all of a sudden surrendered and died out against the darkness.

You fidgeted quickly, knowing that he was last seen in front of you. You searched for your limbs in your petrified terror. You snapped your fingers concentrating on the last embers that were dying to the cold of the wind. 

The flames erupted into a quiet life and you let out your prisoned breath slowly. You looked up not to see the figure in front of you as before. Your only hope is that they left. You caught up with your breath and sat closer to the flames. 

Hot breath slithered over your ear stealthily, you spun around only to come face to face with a green haired irishman. His sadistic smile that only whispered in you ear, “Boo!” 

You wanted to scream and run but you stood your ground in the fear that this was a demon. Then the irishman crept closer and the black painted feathered wings came into view. 

“What cat gotcha your tongue girly?” The man asked quietly not realizing that you are a suicidal angel as well.  

“No actually, I would rather prefer to recover from my fall.” You said defensively pointing up to the sky as an indication.

The man eyes seem to lite with quick realization.The man did a spin and let his wings catch and cradle him. He was childish, yet reserved in this encounter. The man snapped his fingers letting the fire burn scarlett like drooling blood. 

“Tell me, why did the man upstairs kick you out of his domain?” He asked his enormous wings falling to the ground like a feather, letting him find comfort in his sinned wings. 

“I Didn’t speak up for the name of Jesus Christ, but for all I care he could kiss my ass.” You say in a slight anger that you regretted quickly praying to Jesus for quick forgiveness. 

The irish man cheered from my rude insult. “I agree. lucifer is way more lenient than that retched god.”

You gave him a look, not sure of what to respond with. 

He rolled his eyes in great surprise that you didn't respond with anything hurtful towards your god. “Well then, I have to know, how many times did you sin, let me see your bird wings!”He with excitement splattered in his voice. 

You almost wanted to cry from the way he made this seem as if it was something holly. Almost as holly as god himself. You looked down at the ground.You hadn't opened your wings since God kicked you out of heaven. You let a painful tear shed, but you quickly wiped it away as you did not meet eye contact with the sinning angel in front of you. 

Your feathered wings opened slowly, enormous and most likely bigger than the others stained wings. The gray that was smeared and dissipated into holy white showed a lot of holiness. 

This always childish guy folded his crow like wings back up gently trying to approach your wings. It had to have been the most holiest thing he had seen. 

“I-I” He shut his mouth and gently grazed his hands over your feathers. You could feel each touch from his rough silk skin. He was as evil as lucifer in your eyes, but as calm as a bird in your mind. 

His hand hovered over a part on your win, he added a bit of pressure to the area and flinched quickly recoiling away from him and nearly wanting to fly away from him, but you probably didn't have enough energy to do so. 

“Shh. I’m not going to hurt you. your wing is broken horribly. yet there so holly.” The man cleared his throat. The glint in his eyes showed that he had something to add, yet his reserved demeanor made him switch the topic. “What’s your name Miss?”

“(Y/N)” You said quietly shuffling closer from your fright of pain. 

He chuckled softly, “Sweet. almost as holy as you.” He blushed slightly as he looked away. “Names Anti. Let me take you to my place, I can help you heal and get you used to this whole human thing.”

You watched his every movement as if you were his next meal. Eventually you let out a shaky breath wheezing slightly. You stuck out your hand in a gesture for some help. He quickly took your hand and you found yourself standing easily with only a slight ache. 

Anti smiled devilishly, tightly grabbing your hand. he was very quiet now as he grabbed a stick from the earth and sticks it in the fire, letting the flames surround it and burn it.he shook his head and snapped his fingers, letting the fire die out and the only light be the light on his stick. 

“So… Why did god kick you out.” You ask weary, so unsure on how to start a conversation. 

Anti looked at you questionably, his eyebrows raised with interest. “Why do you care? The guy is an asshole just because I accused a man of murdering someone, god  dropped me off of heaven and it took me a whole three days to cover. it not like he threw down a freaking tutorial on how to be human for us.” he said passionately.  

You frowned seriously, “Well maybe a man should not justify the fate of a soul.” you said slowly, stumbling over a loose rock and nearly losing your balance.

Anti stretched out a hand grabbing your shoulder quickly to steady you. “You have a point, but don’t trip over a rock trying to prove your opinion is fact.” Anti said jokingly as you regained your balance and stamina. 

“Let’s keep going. my body is in so much pain.” You say limping through the desert. 


	2. Meet and Greet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! I hope your guys day is going great. mine is okay. I tried to upload this, but archive deleted it for some reasons, so i re wrote it with same events happening.

Though the stars were still shimmering strongly in the sky, the sun would be rising soon. And with it the animals of this yucky dessert would wake up and start with their daily routine. 

Yet for now it didn’t matter to you. You and Anti were only now starting to approach a wooden cabin. 

Anti grabbed your hand, swiftly grabbing your attention with his ocean blue eyes. “I didn’t want to mention this back there, but I will mention it now.” He took in a deep breath, looking into your vibrant eyes. “I have roommates. Though they too are suicidal angels, they are obnoxious. And the shorter one is more of a dick than the other, but they both give me dirty looks from time to time.”

You nodded carefully, trying to select words from your scattered brain. “So, basically, keep my distance from all of you because I haven’t even started to get to know you, or your roommates on a personal level.” You said limping away towards the porch.

Anti nodded slowly, “Just don’t let down your guard.” Anti whispered as he unlocked the door carefully. Revealing a mess of a house. 

Dishes were piled up strategically to never fall over, the place stunk of rotting food, toys were scattered across the floor of what you predicted to the living room. The kitchen table was flipped and torn into shreds. even you had to gag from the smell in the room. It stank of rotten milk, spoiled vegetables, and skunk spray, all fused into a bomb and exploded into the room. 

The only thing that looked at all in order was the two children waiting patiently to be noticed. “Hi Im Felix,” The taller one stated as he gave a friendly smile.  You let out a soft chuckle, “Hi, I’m Dark. And what's your name?” The shorter, dark haired child asked carefully.

“Names (Y/N)”

Anti kicked off his shoes and fell back on the couch, he snapped his fingers, allowing the house to clean itself. The table flipped rightside up, the messy stacked dishes cleaned their messes off and went back in the cupboards. 

The two children let out a long sigh. “So you're a suicidal angel as well I’m guessing?” Felix asked shyly.

“Of course she is doofus. Anti wouldn’t uses his magic unless he had a reason.” Dark said annoyingly as he hit Felix in the shoulder playfully. 

Felix glared at Dark like he was his brother. Felix instantly started to chase each other rampaging around the house like wild bulls. 

“Boys!” Anti shouted commandingly. The two kids stopped in the tracks. freeze-framed in the position of Dark tackling Felix. “Would you guys please go fetch me the peroxide.” Anti asked. 

Once the kids scampered off, Anti pointed to the table, “Sit.”

You did as you were asked, not wanting Anti to get mad. He walked over to one of the cupboards and grabbed some bandages.

“They’re not that bad kids, they are just really hyper.”  You said, letting the words slip out of your mouth without control. Anti turned around laying the bandages down on the table.

“Remember, they are not children. Their souls are probably older than yours and mine combined. They are old souls enjoying the youth of another human's body.” Anti had a spark of fires, as if he had more he wanted to say but his rage was keeping him from saying it. 

You gently laid your hand on his, trying to find away to comfort him. “You don't need to get mad. A lot of suicidal angels are lost in what they should do in this world.”

Anti looked back up at you, a calm river in his eyes now. “Boys! Where is that peroxide?”

The two kids came rushing into the kitchen the bottle in their hands as they fought over the bottle.

“Both of you quit it. Let me have the bottle.” Anti said gently.

Dark pulled the bottle away from Felix’s hands forcefully, handing the bottle over to Anti sticking his tongue out at Felix. Felix reacted quickly slapping Dark in the shoulder in a good manner. 

“Both of you stop it. I Want you to see something. I know you haven’t seen anything that holly since you fell, but this might change your mind.” Anti announced as he washed his hands.

Dark chuckled, “You're acting as though this could change the world.” Dark said rolling his eyes annoyingly. 

Anti glared at the child for a moment. “It could very much so be. Open them up (Y/N)” Anti said as he dried his hands. 

You sighed looking at the kids with hope in their eyes. You opened your stained wings carefully you knew they were big but you were afraid of destroying anything in the house. 

Anti let out a burst of laughter. “Open them up all the way, I can easily fix any damage to the house.” Anti said cheerfully. 

You opened them up feeling your wings smack the walls and break things. You looked at your wings for the first time since you had fallen. They weren’t as gray as you imagined, though they weren’t as white as they were in heaven, they were only 1 shade away from the purest white. 

The two kids backed away amazed yet terrified by the power you held. 

“Don’t you two dare try and back out of this. Her right wing is broken and i have to mend it. you two have to help me.” Anti said as he grabbed the bandages. he opened a cabinet, locking for something, when he was done he held three sticks in his hands.  

They nodded hesitantly always keeping an eye on you. “I am not going to hurt you to, I have no intention to hurt.” you stated gently

The two nodded in sync as  obvious fear was still reflected in their eyes. 

Anti ran his fingers carefully over your wings. When he started getting closer to the broken part of the wing you flinched away from anti, scared he was going to fucking hurt you.

“That's what I feared. Both of you hold her shoulders in place and don't let her struggle, if she struggles at all, I could make the boones worse than they already are.” Anti said carefully. You looked into his baby blue eyes. You could see the forgiveness in his eyes and knew that this was going to hurt more than you expected. 

Dark grabbed your right shoulder, and he was the closest to your broken wings so you were a bit more nervous than before now. Anti saw this and smiled lightly. “let's get this over with, come on felix, grab her wing and hold it in place.”

Felix opened his mouth leaving his words unspoken as he climbed onto the table and gently held your wings in place. you could feel every inch of his fear in his shaking hands. “Grab it more fiercely than that .just avoid this part.” you said helping him before anti got mad.

Anti nodded. as he placed both of his hands firmly around the broken part. your heart started to race and your mind was yelling at you to move away.

Yet you forced yourself to stay still this time. anti lifted one of his hands and grazed over each feather. He stopped over the most sensitive spot.  he grabbed the bone through the feathers, making you flinch the slightest. yet the surprise of Dark’s strength held you in place.

“Sorry.” Dark whispered gently in your ear. Anti grabbed the other side of the bone as he concentrated strongly. 

“Anti, why don’t you just use magic on her.” felix asked angrily. 

All of anti’s walls of concentration. “You idiot, if i use magic on her, I would be sinning, the might travel over to her for allowing the bone to heal from my magic. she would be that holly. everytime I use magic I sin. so don't even try and tell me that i should let her use magic and sin.” anti said as he angrily snapped your bone in his hands. 

You let out a loud scream , not even sure if the job had been done correctly. you fell back on the table. Your head was fuzzy from the pain and you could hear shouting. You fluttered your eyes open to see dark and felix shouting at anti, yet Anti was only yelling louder. than the both of them. 

You forced yourself to sit up, though the pain in your head was worse than anything. “Stop it. All three of you just stop!” You shouted in anger. 

All three of them turned nd stopped and looked at you in amazement. 

anti was the first to rush over you, he gently ran his fingers over the sensitive spot. you expected to hear him say that it was horrible than before. but instead, he went right into commanding mode. He instructed felix to hold your wings in place and dark to hold you down to the table. 

Anti grabbed pair of tweezers with a small knife. dark seemed fidgety and started squirm as he held you in place. you could tell he wanted to ask anti something, yet he didn't want to risk getting yelled out. 

“Anti, What are you doing with those?” You asked carefully. 

He smiled by my curiosity. “Don't get disgusted, but i have to cut into your wing to make sure that the bone is in the right place. then I’ll seew up the cut i mak eand then wrap your wing in bandages and make sure you don't move them that much.”

You let out a sigh looking at anti’s blue eyes. “Get it over with then.” you said thankful that there wasn’t that much left to do. 

Anti looked up at dark for a moment. “You look tired Dark. go get some rest, i have the rest under control. You to felix, you look like your about to sleep in any moment. The both of you need some sleep.”

The two children nodded and walked away, “Nice job getting rid of them, now what on your mind.” you questtoned carefully. 

Anti looked up with a smirk. “I just don't understand how you were able to sit right back up, as soon as i freaking popped your bone back in place. I just don’t understand. Any new suicide angel is able to use basic magic for the first years. but then again…” anti trailed off, the look in his eyes showed that he had something he didn’t want to say. 

“Go on, what were you gonna say?” You asked angrily.

    Anti look ed up into your (E/C). The color seemed to drift him away from his thoughts. he shook his head looked away, concentrating on the color of your wings. “You not a regular suicidal angel. God is probably up in heaven cursing himself for kicking you off the heights of heaven. For all I know, go maybe sending out his guardian angels to find you. Until we find out for sure. You stay in this house with me.”

    You nodded. your body was so tired and exhausted. you allowed Anti to fix your wing and wrap it up. You folded you wings back into their original state. taking a deep breath to calm your nerves. 

   “What's your favorite color?” Anti asked out of the blue. 

   You chuckled slightly. “Why do you wanna know.”

   “I hardly know that much about you. Like you said outside, We don't even know each other on a personal level.”

   “(F/C). I really like it because it reminds me of heaven a lot.” you said slowly, feeling like an awkward dork. 

   “I love the color orange. particularly, the orange in the sky when the radiating sun sets past the horizon.” Anti let out a sigh as his eyes drifted to the floor. “ When being stuck on earth for 100 years, you tend to forget what really is holy.” He said with a sigh. 

   You stuck out your hand and placed it on his shoulder reassuringly. You tensed at feeling a new present in the room. You smiled from the realisation. “Felix come out of hiding why don’t you.” You announced.

   “Damn, you're good at that. Anti sucks at it. Felix said as he came out of hiding. the look in his eyes showed he had a secret in his eyes. 

    You closed your eyes, using you angel senses. You could feel the temperature of each person in the room. You knew that if you could do this well enough you can start seeing people's thoughts. Yet that takes a lot of energy. After a moment you could feel the presence of Dark. Your eyes flew open and saw Felix’s confused expression and Anti’s awe. “Come on out Dark.”

   The room fell silent. As the only sound that echoed throughout the house was the sudden pop of a snap. Dark manifested easily and looked up at you. “You looked so fucking stupid but you found me.” Dark looked into your colorful eyes. “(Y/N) Do you think you could show me how to do that?”

    You let out a sigh, trying to avoid anti eyes of questioning. “Maybe, but I’m not going to teach anyone who isn’t going to listen. Now I want you both to get to bed, you look ready to go to sleep. So go.”

    The two scampered off like two young puppies. “You never told me that you could do that.” Anti said looking at you with amazement.

    You nodded. “It was one of the first things my mentor taught me in heaven.” You said cherishing. 

    Anti nodded slowly in considering thought. “Who was your mentor?”

“I know this might sound stupid but I never got to see him. All of our training sessions, he made me wear a blindfold. When I asked him why, he told me it helps my other senses improve. I know very detailed close handed combat, I know how to seek out the presence of other angels, demons, hell hounds and humans.” You said casually. 

Anti sat down next to you listening intently to every word you said. He looked into your vibrant eyes with realization. “That’s why you weren’t scared when I approached you. that makes sense. How does it work anyways.”

You laughed a little bit. “You know what Anti, I would love to tell you, but my body is fucking tired from falling, I’m ready for sleep.” You said gently.

Anti looked at you for a moment, dumbfounded. Then he nodded. “You must be in so much pain right now. I don't really have a bed for you to sleep in. but you can sleep with me.”

    You felt nervous about sleeping with someone you had only met that night. but you didn't care, you were too tired to object.

    Anti walked into the living room and opened his wings, giving a little hop into the air as his wings did the job for him and catched him gracefully. He looked up into your eyes, inviting you into his nest made from his wings. You layed down carefully trying not to hurt his wings.

   “Don’t worry, my wings are like metal. they aren’t as soft as yours.” You nodded and aid down looking at his painted wings. They weren't even that holy. They looked so fucking dismantled and uncared for. Each feather gave an uncomfortable prick at your skin. Very unappealing to you, yet the comfort Anti’s body next to you allowed you feel calm enough to sleep in the wings of sinning angel. Yet you could tell, he had kindness in his heart.  


	3. Lesson #1- Listen To Your Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I hope your guy's day is going good. I was going to upload a chapter on my undertale fanfic, but i decided I waned to get this out first. So I hope you guys...  
> ENJOY

The sun was shining through the window with ease, aimed right for your eyes, you stretch comfortably, you weren’t sure where you were at, but once you came to your senses, you remembered where you were. You turned to see Anti curled up in a tight, uncomfortably. 

You raised yourself out of the nest of wings. You walked over to the kitchen quietly, washing your face in the sink carefully. 

You shivered from the sudden cold of the water. You take in a deep breath and dried off your face opening your (E/C) eyes slowly. You turned around and scavenged the kitchen as quietly as you could. You didn’t think you would be hungry but here you were searching for it quickly. You found some cereal, with the flavour of honey and poured a serving into the bowl slowly and as quietly as you could.

You turned around only to look into Dark’s dark brown eyes. His innocent look in his eyes showed that he had more on his mind. “So. (Y/N). Are you still going to teach me and Felix  how to do that thing from last night.”

You shrugged from uncertainty. “I’m not even sure, I literally just woke up, so you will wait until I finish breakfast.”

Dark nodded scampering away down the hallway quietly. He returned a moment later with a very tired and grouchy Felix following him. 

“You do know it’s very obvious what your intentions are, right?” Felix asked quietly as he rubbed the tiredness out of his eyes carefully.   

You looked at Felix with confusion rubbed in your face. You finished you cereal briefly and stood up walking over to where  Anti still slept softly in his black wings.  “What do you mean my intentions are clear?” You questioned with meaning as you kept your voice low and soft. 

Felix burst into laughter, the first of many in the day. “You're clearly wanting to get with him.”

“You mean Anti. Well that is totally not true, I’m only seeing him as kind and great friend.” You said feeling like a dork. 

Felix’s laughter was cut off abruptly as he turned and looked you dead in the eyes. His eyes reflected his spirit, childish and happy, yet wise and old. “Your subconscious is obviously hiding the truth from you embrace it.” Felix said quietly he jumped up off the couch and chased after Dark as though he had not just acted out of his character. 

You shook your head and stood up, putting aside what Felix advised you to do. You woke up Anti carefully and gathered the three boys in the living room. 

“So do you guys really want to learn this. This is a really complicated lesson, even for the oldest of angels have troubles doing this.” You asked trying to get past this part. 

The two children nodded with energy as they started to chat between each other.  You looked at Anti, his eyes drifting towards the floor in deep thought, he only gave a less emphasized and less energetic nod. 

You snapped your fingers getting Dark and Felix’s attention in your hands.  “Okay, so to start this out I want each of you to perform the most complicated magic that you can. Just so I can see where you guys are at.”

The two children started to smile but then there smile disappeared as their concentration grew. Dark was obviously trying to challenge himself and impress you as he went for something that involved changing the emotion in which someone feeling. 

He looked into Anti’s eyes, no challenge for any type of dominance was shown. Dark was able to make Anti look even more sad than he was.

You turned to dark with interest in your eyes. “What was the emotion you were trying to change?” You questioned carefully, studying him over to make sure he wasn’t lying to you. 

“To be honest (Y/N) I was trying to change his emotion to be angry. He looks funny when he’s angry.” Dark said with innocence in his voice. Anti looked up to Dark with a smile. Dark burst into laughter and Anti started to chuckle happily. 

Anti’s mind was obviously somewhere but it wanted to start to come back. 

You turned to felix swiftly. “Now what can you do?”

Felix nodded happily as he turned to you, he was obviously trying to read your thoughts. He wasn’t just looking deep into you (E/C) eyes, he was moving his hands in certain pattern and whispering under his breath. 

You were wrong, he was not trying to read your thoughts, he was rather trying to make you think of a certain thing. Before you were able to stop it, Felix’s thoughts started to rush into your head, allowing his voice to be clear, as anti appeared in your mind. 

You shook your head clearing your mind swiftly, you knew that with enough practice, Felix would be able to stay in someone else's head for an extended period of time. 

“Nice job. I do have to say that I wasn't expecting that from you. With enough practice, you wouldn't have to move your hands so much,” You gave Felix a nod of approval. You turned back to Anti, seeing his eyes showered in sadness made you sad yourself. “Let’s see what you got Anti?” You said with a slight challenge in your voice to try and motivate him.

Anti’s gaze snapped back at you, he seemed angry, but he also didn't seem like himself. He held up his hand in a position of a snap. Before he snapped, he shook his head in anger, choosing not to snap. He looked back into your eyes softly. Before you could throw up a wall of defense in you mind. One of Anti’s thoughts came slithering in.  

“I need to speak with you privately here soon.” Anti’s voice echoed into your mind. 

You nodded. You shook your head focusing on the lesson you were teaching. “Thank you Anti for showing your skills.” You turned around to see Felix and Dark laughing quietly. You gave them both a stern look. “Now, I want you all three to close your eyes for a moment. Focus on your energy and your spirit. I want you to feel as numb as your standing body will allow you to.”

All three boys took in a deep breath. You grabbed Anti’s hand and pulled him away making him stand next to you quietly, “Now just to help focus on your subconscious. I want each of you to focus on your energy and transform it into an animal, don't even barely think about it though.” You said calmly. You dragged Anti into one of the children's room.

“I need to talk to you (Y/N).  It’s something very important.”

You looked into Anti’s worried eyes. “Well then say it.” You said as you scavenged for something in what you presumed to be Felix's neat looking room.

“Lucifer talked to me last night in my dream.”

The silence in the room was even more clung to the air as you grabbed Anti's hand seeing the worry and stress in his eyes. “Anti, what did he say to you?” You questioned softly yet firmly.

He looked up at you his baby blue eyes searching your eyes for some answer. He took in a deep breath, “He taught me dark magic, he told me he was short handed and that I would be the first suicidal angel he would be taking into his arms. He also told me that if I'm not careful, he would steal you away from me.” A tear feel down his cheek as the last word was choked out in a sob. 

You wrapped you arms around his neck, realizing that even a sinned soul needed comfort and advice. “I promise you that we can figure out something. Tonight, me and you can try and put a protection charm around the house if it will help you feel better.” You said softly in the hug. 

He nodded as you lingered in his arms for a moment. “Now as much as I do care, I need you to go back into the living room and try to focus on your energy, this will help you if you ever need it.”

You pulled away from the hug as you watched him walk away slowly. As much as you wanted to kiss him, you knew that it would be awkward between you to as well. 

You took in a deep breath and focused on Felix’s mind, though you couldn't see what his energy was transforming to, you could feel the feeling in his mindscape. 

You turned around and your eyes locked onto a stuffed animal of a bunny.  You went into the living room with the stuffed animal and pushed Felix awake softly. He rubbed his eyes and looked up yours. “I predict that this, is one of the things your energy transformed into.” You said gently. 

Felix nodded and took to the stuffed animal from your hand. You went back down into that hallway entering Darks room without caution. You found the room more of mess than the other. You shrugged your shoulders and snapped your fingers, organizing it nicely.

You focused on Dark’s mind, which was obviously distracted by something else. You didn't care too much as you searched his brain for a trace of his energy, yet he was keeping it sealed. 

You shrugged and left the room, returning back to the living room. You approached Dark slowly, only to see tears running down his cheeks slowly. You grabbed his shoulder hurriedly. 

Dark's eyes flew open as he threw his arms around you, surprising you greatly. You pulled away from the hug and looked into Dark’s tiny eyes. “Shh, I want you to tell me everything that happened.” You said quietly. 

“I was doing as you said to do, allowing my energy to transform into a puppy. Before I knew it I was back up in heaven, reliving my fall and hearing god's horrible, soothing voice as he kicked us off.”

I nodded and patted his shoulder softly. “Hang in there, I am almost done with this lesson.”

He nodded slowly. I snapped my fingers, getting Anti’s attention and awakening him from his trance. 

“For now, that is all i have time to show you. It will help you with finding inner peace when you're mad at someone or even yourself.” You said as you walked away into the kitchen. You grabbed a water bottle for yourself and took a step outside. 

The heat of the desert took you off guard. You took a drink of the water quickly and took in a deep breath. Yes the dessert was ugly, but it always had life and the reassuring smell of flowers and freshness. Even though there wasn’t that much water in the environment. 

You were about to step back inside before you heard the sound of the door opening behind you. 

You turned around and saw the irish suicidal angel. “So how long are you planning on staying here on earth?” He asked gently as he looked on into the vast dessert. 

You looked back up at him with a bit of disbelief in you voice, “I’m kind of stuck here on earth ya know. There is no way for me to leave though.”

Anti looked at you with a truth in his eyes. “I can see the reflection in your eyes. This is not your home and I don't think it ever will be. And I respect that. Your path has been laid out in front of you. You are meant to return back to heaven, whether it’s tomorrow or a decade from now you have to go back.” Anti cleared his throat taking a step back. “I mean it makes sense. Why else can you do such great powerful magic without your wings darkening or you sinning?”

You nodded in deep thought as you didn't know how to respond. You jumped and took a step off the porch. “Come one let's put up a protection spell around the house. it’ll be quick and easy.”

Anti followed you off the porch and you both started to cast the spell together, making the dome of protection even more powerful. 

Even though, things were happening and making your world upside down. Being with Anti and the two children made it even more worth it as the time went on. All you could ask for was a happy ending. But even that might be impossible. 


	4. Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I hope you all are doing fantastic. Soory for the delay. I had a block for the smut on my undertale story and this took a lot of emotional struggle out of me. so prepare yourself if you hate the death of characters. anyways I hope you guys Enjoy.

The evening was cooling down slowly. You knew the night would be freezing. yet you didn't care. You were so tired from putting up the protection spell with anti, you didn't care about the detail in the day. 

You stumbled through the front door and laid don on the living room couch. Anti followed you in the house and grabbed a bottle of water. “Here you need to stay hydrated.” He said slowly handing the bottle to you generously. 

You smiled and opened the bottle. You gulped down the water like it was the last bit on the face of this earth. 

From what you had seen so far. You hated earth. Heaven was way more cozy and cleaner. up there, there wasn’t any desserts. 

“BOYS!” Anti shouted at the beginning of the hallway. The two boys exited their rooms. They looked happy yet tired. 

Dark shimmied past Anti and approached you quickly. “Hey, (Y/N) I tried a meditation while you and Anti were doing the protection spell. My spirit ended up mending into the shape of a cobra.” He took in a deep breath trying to search your face for a prediction of your answer. 

You smiled. “That great. mine is a wolf.” You announced happily. 

He boiunced on the couch as his eyes sparked with a new joy I had never seen. “Do you know what a wolf represents? It makes so much more sense. The reason you're here. to hold us together. you can be like our pack leader. You're gonna lead us into such a great success. I just know it.” The kid bounced away like a ball heading towards Felix. 

You started to blank out, staring off and trying to make sense of what Dark had said.

“Hey, did you hear me. your coming to town with me.” Anti said close to your ear. 

You jumped at the sound of his deep voice next to you ear. “Yeah, I hear you now, gosh.”

He chuckled closely by your ear which sent a pleasant shiver down your spine. He straightened up with his smile curving “Then let's go.”

You nodded and stood up quickly.  Anti smiled and grabbed your arm. “If we walk it will take us a century. And neither of us have the energy to teleport. So we're gonna fly.” He said with a sly smile on his sneaky lips.  

You were confused for a moment and voiced your opinion. “Well I can’t fly, my wing is broken remember?”

“Yeah I know. That’s why we're gonna fix that.” He pointed to the couch forcefully. “Sit.” He commanded calmly. 

You were nervous but did so anyways trying to shake away the nerves. He ordered you to open your wings as you expected he would ask you to do. 

“Boys! I need you in here for a minute.” The boys raced down the hall and entered the living room with smiles when they saw your opened wings, Yet felix still had a scared look on his face. You smiled sweetly trying to comfort the caramel haired child. 

“We need to do a Bone-Mending spell. We both know we can’t do it.” He said with a meaningful look towards Dark. “That means you have to do this by yourself Felix.”

The kid looked petrified, as still as a tree’s trunk. Yet the look on his face showed the endless moving river in his thoughts. You reached out your hand with a slight face twisted in pain. You were so sore.

He shied away covering his face with his hands and whimpering softly. “Felix, I am not going to hurt you at all. I only wan-” You were cut off quickly. 

“He’s scared he is going to fail.”

You turned to the small voice that echoed in the room the black hair on the child's head sweeped into his face smoothly. “What do you mean.?” You questioned, dumbfounded by what he meant. 

“If you mess up a Bone-mending spell, you can crush the person's bones in a matter of seconds. He is afraid he will. He knows you matter way too much to die from his stupidity.” Darks frail voice was a small as an ant. Yet he was confident as if he was stating it from a book. 

“Well if that happens we can always reverse the spell.” You said looking from Dark back to Felix who was still petrified and covering his face. 

“The spell is not reversible. If it is tried to be reverse. it can kill both people. Felix has only performed the spell once, that was on Dark’s pinkie though. And right after they fell. His experience is slipping away from him.” Anti voice was full of despair, as if the only situation was sparked because of him. 

Dark looked at Felix and reached out his hand to the other.  Felix quickly turned and took it. Dark pulled the other down the hall and into his room slamming his door with anger. 

You let out your trapped breath. “Well that went well.” You said with sarcasm.

“Very, but I think I need some sleep, lets just hope you know who doesn't visit me tonight.” Anti said as he took a step away.

“Wait!”

He stared at you for a few minutes. Smiling when he realized what I was thinking. He ducked under your outstretched wings and let his wings cradle him in the air. He waved his hand in a gesture of invitation. 

You closed your wings with a flinch of pain. you curled up next to him in his suffocatingly black wings. 

He smiled. “Ye know what, I have to agree with Felix. You matter more than any of us. You have some greater purpose.”

“I disagree, I’m just like any other suicide angel. I have sinned, I have been pushed out of heaven and now I'm here on this shit face excuse of a planet.” You said with a growl. “I hate desserts.”

The silence grew between us only until I turned did I realize he was trying to hide his obvious laughter. “You hate this earth just because of the desert.”

“Well yeah.” You said your voice fading into laughter once you realize how stupid it sounded.

Yet Anti laughter only grew. He took in a forced and heavy breath making his chest rise and fall noticeably. “I just immagine like some cowboy, living in the desert, but utterly despising it with all his heart. An like h-” His voice was abruptly cut off by his continues laughter. If he didn’t stop he would easily die from laughter. 

But you couldn't stop either. yet after a minute of the continuous expression of laughter. Silence fell over the room as he looked over at you. “These past day have been so worth living through everything ever since you came here.” He said with a smile which was nearly invisible in the darkness thanks to the night. 

You smiled as well because you had to admit it, being around Anti sparked a joy inside you you never would have found. “I think so too.”

“I really want you to stay here. You might not think anything of it, but you're making a good impression on Dark and Felix. And after what you said to me the other night. I think there to hyper for their own good. After thinking about it. Their souls probably aren’t even a century old. Or 50.”

You chuckled by Anti’s statement. “Hell my soul isn’t even 50 years old. not even a decade.”

Ant looked at me with disbelief. “Are you serious. How old is your soul then?” He queried cautiously. 

“My soul is only a year old. My soul was solemnly made to be an angel and no other domain could claim me. Not hell, not Purrgatory, nothing. Only heaven.”

Anti sat up a little tilting the nest of black tinted wings a little. You still felt odd comfort in them;

“You know what, this makes so much more sense. I have been trying to figure it out. Your mentor had you blindfolded every session. You were created only for heaven. What if you were somehow connected to god himself?” He took in a deep breath, searching the darkness for your eyes. “I know this is a way too far out there theory, but what if your mentor was God.”

You stared at him for a brief moment. a strange anger sprouted inside your chest. You had to vent. “That's way too far out there. And if that really was the case. How could he treat me so well in our sessions praising me for my success and advising me through my failures. Only for him to be so inconsiderate and kick me off of the heights of heaven with no emotion at all.” You stared into Anti’s baby blue eyes. “If that's the case, then I don't wanna hear it. Good night.” You turned away from him laid back down. 

After a few moments you heard him shuffle and do the same thing. You felt so bad that you turned to see if he was looking at you, yet he was tuned away from you. You knew you couldn’t handle it if he was to stay mad at you throughout the next day. “I’m sorry Anti.”

Silence only followed your frail voice. After another moment's wait, a muffled response came back through the darkness. 

“I’m sorry too. But I understand that you’re not mad at me.”

The rest of the night was carried on in silence once Anti’s breath became snores you slipped into gentle sleep as well.  

You felt a tap on your shoulder as you woke up slowly. You lifted your head to see Felix and Dark in front of you. You were still pretty sure that Anti was still asleep next to you and that the sun hadn’t even raised to greet the morning. 

“What do you to want?” You whispered quietly as you sat up slowly in the black wings. 

Felix reached out his hand generously towards you, “We need to talk to you, privately.” Felix explained. 

You rolled your eyes but reluctantly stepped out of Anti’s wings. You followed the two children down the hall and into Felix’s room. They urgently closed the door behind them. 

“Can you keep a secret?” Dark questioned as he bounced on the bed in utter excitement.

Curious and obviously capable, you nodded. Felix turned quickly. staring straight at me with his blue vibrant eyes, “That means you can’t tell Anti at all, I don't care what happens.”

You stared at the child for a moment. “What if it was life threatening?” You questioned innocently. 

The two children met my stare with a bright flame sparking in their eyes. “Only when it’s life threatening.”

Felix chuckled, “You’ll know the perfect time to reveal the secret.”

“So then what is it.”

Dark turned to Felix, Felix turned to the shorter on as well. They both took in a deep breath. “We are twin flames. Twin spirits. Does it at all ring a bell?” Dark asked hopefully. 

You shook your head in a slow response.

“See, I told you this was a stupid idea.” Felix said passionately. 

“Well, maybe she’ll know when we explain it.”

“LIke it something simple to explain, good luck trying.”

“Hey who said I was going to be the one to explain it, I barely know that much about it.” Dark said glaring at Felix. 

“The both of you, just explain to me what it is.” You said breaking the forming argument between the two brother-like children.

Felix rolled his eyes but sat down on the floor next to you. “Twin spirits. It is a Pagan belief. Not christian, not Voodo. Well sometimes in Wiccan religion. But still.” Felix took in a deep breath, searching your (E/C) eyes carefully.

“It means are souls are connected, are spirits are linked. Attachable. Nothing can get rid of the bond between us. I can see it in the way you look at both of us. You seem to think we’re like brothers, right?” Dark said as he slinked down to the floor.

You nodded rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “Well it’s more than that. I can read his thoughts. He can read mine. No spell needed. No concentration. We just automatically can know what the others thinking and feeling. Which can succeed or fail certain difficult spells and rituals.” Felix explained carefully. 

You knew exactly where this was going.  “Then let me get this straight, you both have a bond, that allows you to read the other's mind instinctively. Yet this also can help you guys perform challenging spells.”

The two nodded in sync. ‘I really felt bad about not being able to help you about your wing. and it had nothing to do with you. I just knew I couldn’t be able to do it. When I healed Darks pinkie about a year ago, he had helped me perform the spell. I don't know, but maybe you can help us too.” Felix said desperately. 

You looked down at the ground not meeting the burning gaze of the kids. “I don’t know, I could try to help in the beginning but if i can't do it, you guys can’t lose your focus, I'm trusting you right now. I’m trusting you a lot. With my life.”

The two kids looked so much wiser and serious. They set up everything, all the supplies needed for the spell. They ordered you to open your wings. Even then you could see the fear in their faces.

You opened them slowly. In your opinion, they were the most unholiest thing ever.   _ Just because you sinned one time.  _ You thought to yourself all of your stupid mistakes. You thought deeply about what Anti had theorized earlier, which kept you at a slight bay of anger. 

The two kids nodded to each other then nodded towards you.

You joined them in the beginning of the spell, helping the two locate the broken bone. Yet once they started to mend the bone. The pain was flaming and dancing on your bone. It was impossible to keep going, you dropped out of the spell, throwing your head back and shrieking in pain. For a moment you could have sworn that the spell was failing but then you realized the pain was starting to soothe.

That's when you heard it. Rushed footsteps in run down the hallway.

_ 1... _

_ 2.. _

_ 3. _

The door opened fiercely as Anti barged into the room. He looked back and forth between Dark, Felix and you. He could tell what was happening, Yet Felix and Dark’s focus never wavered. Their eyes were closed and their breathing was strangely in sync. Yet the pain was sending you into a spiral of daze. That when the pain started to slow, you knew the two children were getting closer to being down. 

You could hear Anti shouting now. Yet the two kids didn’t stoop, despite Anti’s efforts to make them quit.

The pain started to ebb away as you fell backwards in exhaustion. You hear the two children heaving their breaths. They too were obviously exhausted as all hell.

“You two could have woke me up and told me you were gonna do this, I could have helped you guys” Anti said as he kneeled down and helps Felix sit up. You could tell the spell took a lot of effort out of Felix but the both of them were as tired as gravity. 

Anti rushed over towards you running his hands over your barely gray wings.They were more now closer to a snowy white christmas shade.  “You two did well though. You didn’t fail.” He looked down at you with a slow smile. He seemed panicked still.

You struggled to sit up and instantly felt dizzy. Yet Anti kept you up. The dizziness fell away like autumn leaves in the breeze. 

“Let’s get them to bed.” You said softly in Anti’s ear. He nodded and picked up Dark, carrying him away into his room. 

You closed your wings carefully thanks to the small room, your wings had to be cramped. You stood up carefully and grabbed Felix’s hand. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

He looked up and you with a smile. “How do you even have any energy?” He questioned. 

You chuckled making your body rattle. “I just do, but I don’t have enough energy to pick you up, do you think you can crawl up to the bed.” You spoke softly while your body screamed at you to sleep. 

Felix looked up at the ceiling, his eyes wandering off slowly. You panicked slightly not sure how to fix this. You took in a deep breath and picked up the 9 year-old child. His body was the weight of a pillow yet your body still struggled to pick him up. Yet before you knew it, he was laying in his bed thanks to you. He seemed tired yet dazed as well. 

“Felix, are you okay buddy?” You questioned with worry. 

He shook his head lowly. “I did something stupid during the spell instead of just meding your bone. I took half of your burden for you. I took half of your sin for you. I’m sorry.” He started to sob slowly as his body rattled with each breath. 

“Shh, we’ll pull you through this,” You cursed yourself for not realizing that was what all the pain was from during the spell. 

“It’s all my fault, now my fate is in lucifer's hands, I don't know what he is gonna do to me, but promise me (Y/N) you will not let me stay their for a century. Don't let me stay there period. Just get me out of hell or purgatory. I’m so foolish and all I wanted do was help you, even at the cost of death I still did. I’m sorry.” Felix said rambling on. You put the backside of your hand on his forehead feeling his burning temperature. “I’m freezing.” He said carefully as he tried to cover himself with his blankets. 

“No you're burning up just lay down for a moment.” You said as you took the covers away from him. 

You turned around to see Anti step into the doorstep. “How is he, I put Dark to sleep.” He announced carefully as he walked into the room uninvited. 

You looked back at Felix, a question in your eyes, through his daze, he seemed to understand as he nodded solemnly. 

“Felix has a fever, I don't think he is gonna make it through.” You said carefully your voice tripping on a trap of emotion. 

Anti rushed over to Felix on the bed nearly tripping. “What do you mean he isn’t gonna make it through a small fever.” He put his hand on Felix’s forehead, instantly jerking away from the heat. 

Anti looked back to you carefully. “Hell’s flames are trying to claim him.” Anti choked out. He started to sob as he grasped onto the other's hand. “This is all my fault. Go wake up Dark. Now I know why he was so worried about Felix.”

You nodded and went to retrieve Dark. Shaking him awake quickly. He looked you in the eye carefully a tear shedding through his eyes. “He’s gone isn't he?”

“No but he might soon. I want you to go visit him before then.” You said grabbing Dark hand and leading the fragile child down the hallway. 

The two of you entered Felix’s room quicker than you wanted. Anti still was crying next to felix. Dark rushed other to his twin spirit, pushing away Anti forcefully. 

“Felix! This is all my fault. All of it. I could have stopped you. Why do you have to be so foolish!” Dark screamed in anger towards in Felix. You rushed over to him shushing him quietly. 

Dark clinged to your shoulder. “This is all my fault.” He whispered. 

“No it not. It’s nobody’s fault. Do you want to have moment alone?”You whispered back. 

He nodded as he pulled away from you. You stood up and dragged Anti out of the room. 

“Dark promise me that…” Felix’s frail voice was easily drowned out as you and Anti walked away. 

Anti ended up leaning his head on your shoulder, sobbing softly. 

The two of you sat on the couch together, cuddling gently. yYou looked out the window at the rising sun. The crisp orange that rises with the sun seemed to radiate warmly. You took in a deep breath, very close to smell. You wanted to feel comforted, and earth was being less and less comforting, but the sunrise brought a new beginning to the day, and you didn't want the sunset to take it away. 

The sound of a creaking door echoed throughout the house forcefully dragged you away from your thoughts. Dark appeared at the end of the hallways a single tear rolling down his cheek. He didn’t wipe it away as he squared his shoulders and forced himself to stand straighter than he ever had. 

“He’s gone.”


	5. Resolving Temporary Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! hope your all enjoying today. I know that i haven't updated my undertale fic. but i got a small boulder in my way blocking me from it. so anyways I hope you all enjoy this chapter of suicidal Angels.

The morning sun shimmered through the clean windows of the cold home. Though the sun was meant to warm souls, it only reminded you of the loss of Felix. you felt the tears in your eyes, you had just finished you sobbing a few moments ago and Anti and Dark were both still looking up to you with a need for a leader. 

You took in a deep breath, What are we gonna do now? You thought to yourself before standing up. You tried to gather up every possibility. Anti, You, and Dark needed to leave. The three of you had already discussed the fact that staying in this cursed house was not an option. 

You could go to the city, but the three of you would be less protected and would be easily founded by miracle workers in the city. Another hand on the table was to move out of the state of california. Which is truly something you wanted but the other two didn’t really favor the idea. You guessed it was just a way of Anti keeping you in the ratchet desert where everything was sticky with limited moisture. 

“We need to get out of this house, it's obvious that whatever realm claimed Felix’s soul has information about where we are.” You spoke your thoughts a loud trying to push away the promise you had made with Felix. Such a child with great wisdom. “We should go to the city. Anyone got any ideas they want to throw to the table?” You questioned the two grief stricken friends of yours, through their daze you were relieved to know they at least heard you. 

“I have two friends in San Francisco. We could meet up with them to see if they can help in any way.” Anti announced looking up to your eyes. 

You knew you had to fix the silence that still lingered threateningly above the room. 

“We all need to come clean. We all have secrets in this room. So let's share them then.” 

The two of their heads snapped towards each other glaring at each other with a challenge in the others eye as to who was going to go first. 

Then Dark surrendered to Anti’s deadly gaze. “Me and Felix had a secret. He might get mad at me when I see him again, but I know it might better the situation, but me and Felix are twin spirit. The both of you think we are really old souls that fell from heaven, but are souls are both 7 years old.” Dark announced not meeting anyones eyes. 

You new that took balls, even you didn’t want to share the secret you vowed to keep. You didn't want eternal hate from Felix. 

Anti gasped. “That means you can read his mind as well. It’s because of you that he died, isn’t it? You let him fuck up the spell.” Anti’s rage was a spitting fury of emotions. He was in so much grief for his own good. 

You rushed to hold Anti back and calm him which took a moment in which he ended up clinging to your shoulder like a toddler. 

You glanced at Dark and in the moment, you could see a look of understanding. Which you took as even more of a hint to tell Anti the truth. 

“There’s more to his death than you think.” You spoke softly which made Anti pull away from you even quicker. You had said too much already, you couldn’t turn back now. 

“He didn’t die from the spell. and it was certainly not Dark’s fault. If anything we should be sharing half the blame for not noticing and doing anything  about it.”

Anti slowed his breathing and looked up into your eyes, a look of pure dread plastered over his face. “Tell me then.” He growled.

You looked over to Dark with a nod, You didn’t want to make Anti wait for a response, so with a short sigh, You explain. “During the spell he did something that neither me or Dark could fix or prevent. He took away half of my sin. He took it away from me leaving me with only half of it and a lot more grace.” You took in a deep breath facing Anti’s baby blue eyes, you could see the mixture of confusion and realization all in one recipe. 

He didn’t have to speak to tell us if he was mad. He wasn’t mad. His head fell on your shoulder. His tears returned back to his eyes with a curse as he sobbed into your shoulder.  

You wrapped your arms around him for a good five minutes feeling a great pull of sympathy at your heart. “There was nothing we could have done to prevent it.” He choked out through his grief. 

“There is another thing, I was planning to tell you. I promised Felix that I wouldn’t let him rot in hell or sit in purgatory and be feasted on like prey. We need to figure out a way to save him.” You said with your voice choking out. 

Dark's voice rang out after you response. “We can try making a deal with lucifer. Or at least one of his demons.”

“I don't think that will be an option. Lucifer wants us dead.” Anti stated as he leaned away from your shoulder noticing the huge spot of moisture he had left behind.

“We can at least try can’t we.” You insisted with your voice crackling like lightning. 

“Last night, me and him got into an argument about the torture that sinned souls receive.” His voice was choked out as he balled his hand into a fist of anger. “Those souls down there are burned in blue flames beaten by demons to turn them into demons, hellhounds, shadow souls, or even deal makers. Its harsh down there. They are screamed at and laughed at until their soul accepts their fate does lucifer finally free them as his slaves. Which is just as horrible. All they want to do is impress their savior, but all he wants to do is beat them into great submission they barely have a thought process. In the end. Our argument had escalated quickly and we got into a great fight. At first he thought I would submit to him if he hit me, but that only angered me more. I grabbed a chain from somewhere in there and with my anger it became heated. Slapped right across the face with that smoldering chain. I challenged him and he accepted the challenge for the thrown. He proclaimed that in 5 years from now. We would meet and fight to death for the throne.” Anti said his voice small yet proclaimed. 

Dark’s head snapped up in a uproar. “Why are you talking about Lucifer like your associates. You aren’t! Are you?”   
Anti let out a deep breath. With a reluctant nod he responded to the younger one. 

“Now, we all have came clean. So we can't get mad at each other. if you're mad. express it now.” You said looking at the both of them. 

Dark shook his head denial. Yet he didn’t speak up. You shook your head as well, you stepped away from the table and went down the hallway.You opened the door of Felix’s room. He still lay there. Cold and dead. Lifeless with no emotion. You shivered, your vessel wouldn't allow you to remember your death, and you were glad. You didn’t want to know. 

Felix’s eyes were closed. Yet you were sad they were, you were curious to see if there was a spark of joy still left there. You lingered your hand on his. His skin was cold to the touch. Yet you were used to dead bodies. You were one of God’s reapers for two months and helped dying souls find their way to God's door. 

Yet this was different. Felix was such a gentle child. You didn't want him to leave this world. You knew there was more to his death. From the knowledge you had, taking away someone's sin only leads to a minimum risk of death but you do have to carry their burden you take. You surveyed the others dead body one more. That's when you found a piece of paper raveled around his fingers. 

_ Dear Reader, If you have found this slip of paper, than you are questioning the death of your friend. let me tell you one thing, the murderer, the person writing, did this because of your boyfriends selfish accidents. if you too are outraged, join me and my forces instead.  _

__ Disgusted, you rush back out to the table. “Guys, look what i just found.” You handed the paper to Anti, in which he read a loud.

He growled under his breath. “That asshole. He thinks we are in a relationship. I’m going to fuck up that douche’s world up so badly. He won’t even want to live.”

I smiled lightly. “Calm down now. Dark why don't you head off to your room. Start packing before we leave, we’ll bury Felix.”

“(Y/N), Felix’s religion details that if one is to be buried they will not be able to find their way to the afterlife and be forced to remain as a ghost.”

“We’ll figure something out then.” You said patiently. Dark nodded as he slugged his way to his room. He used to be filled with energy. With a sigh you turned to see Anti still re-reading the note. “I hate the ratchet dick that thinks he owns the world. The ass only rules the damn underworld.” 

You grabbed his hand smoothly. “Chill out Anti. we need to stay strong okay. for Dark. I know you are stressing, but we have 5 years to wait, until then, We train you. And who knows maybe something will happen and he just gives up the throne.”

He chuckled under his breath. He looked away for  moment and then back up at you. “What would you say if I was childish and asked you out?” 

You smiled brightly. “Well for starters, I would probably tell you how childish you are. But you're always childish. it’s in your nature. Then I would kiss you on the lips romantically as a response.”

His head snapped back up as his stare intensified. After a moment's wait. “Then Miss (L/N) will you go out with me.”

With blush covering your cheeks and an everlasting smile on your lips you responded with, “You're too childish for your own good, ya know.” You brought his face closer, grabbing his chin smoothly, you could feel his hot breath, And you hesitated for a moment. This would be your first kiss with such an ungraceful angel who has sinned way more than you. This could be the most worst sin in the book. But you couldn’t back away now as Anti’s lips lingered closer and closer towards yours. 

With a deep breath and your mind swirling with joy and doubts. Your lips smashed together. Yet it didn’t really last by the fact that you both knew it was awkward. Once your lips were together, you could have sworn there was a spark of protest. Bewildered you pulled away and by the look on Anti's face, he felt it too. 

The both of you smiled and being a little shy you split apart. Anti packed up his things and you made Felix ready for his burial. 

In the end you all decided that you should follow the guidelines of his religion. You dug a hole and laid him in it, not covering him with dirt. 

Now, it was time for San Francisco. What path was waiting for the three of you? Your thoughts swirled with valuable questions. Yet you didn’t care to share your worries as you and the two boys boarded a train to your destination. On this journey to destiny, you would have to be a leader. Were you even ready for that responsibility?


	6. A Story within a Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys, sorry about not uploading lately. My tablet broke and that was my on.y way to write and it took me a bit to remember the passwords for accounts. I hope you enjoy

The evening sun was hanging high in the air. A beautifully glow surrounded it with a vibrancy of orange yellow red, and of course blue. But you could only catch glimpses of the sky from the speed of the train. They had about a weeks wait before they got in walking distance from San Francisco.

Yet for now the three of you would sit on this boxcar and huddle for warmth under the blanket.

As you were about to drift off to sleep with Anti on watch. You heard a loud thump. A loud thump that startled you thunderously.

When your eyes adjusted. You could see what seemed to be the shape of two bodies. But of what.

Anti spun around quickly since the thing had found its way into the boxcar from the other side. “Get back (Y/N)” he whispered quickly rushing over towards you.

Past the continuous sound of the train rolling on the train tracks, you could hear the sound of whimpering and heavy breathing. You pushed Anti back a little and approached the heap of fur.

That’s when you saw it. The black fur told you what it could be but the moment the creature's head snapped up, your breath was taken away by the magnificent vision in the creatures yellow eyes.

You felt like your life was being sucked into the creature's life. You could feel yourself seeing through eyes. Feeling the experiences of running through the desert. With a pack. To feel united. To feel empowered. And at the same time. You could experiences emotions. Happiness, joy, pride, and love all bundled up together in a nice package. And right next to that gift basket. Was pain, loss, betrayal despair and a loss of hope.

When you focused back to the creature in front of you. She had a plea in her eyes. Her bright yellow eyes that sparkles brighter than the closest star.

The animal was at it most vulnerable. ,isn't powerless. All the more reason to care right, you thought carefully. You reached out a hand. Carefully and gently. The creature looked up at you. From your eyes to your hand and back again. A question hovering between you and the magnificent creature. You stayed like this for a good minute feeling anti’s burning gaze study you with his guard tower as high as the sky.

The creature finally lurched forward its tongue rasping smoothly over your hands and fingers on gentle lap as her head feel back on the floor of the boxca with exhaustion. Only then did you realize the whimpering was coming from another creature.

A younger one. The eyes hadn't even opened and the fur was more shimmering gray in the moonlight.

You gasped softly and scooped up the youngster. Rushing over to Anti you held the animal in your one dominant hand as you rummaged through your bag. Of course you didn't have any baby formula.

“What is it?” Anti voice broke the sheer silence like shooting glass. You looked up with a quick smile at his curiousness worry.

You cleared throats startling the youngster in your hand. “It’s a momma wolf. She came here with two pups I think only one survived. But she’s very exhausted. I don't know how long she can wait it out…” you trailed off as you pulled of your (F/C) shirt and throwing i to the side revealing your tank top. “We have no baby formula. Don't get mad or grossed or anything but I'm gonna have to breastfeed this pup to full health.” You said slightly shivered by the thought.

“Why are you going out of your way for a wolf pup. What if he grows to be vicious?” Anti voiced quietly trying not to disturb the sleeping dark.

You nearly wanted to growl at the selfish man. But you could understand his concerns to an extent. “The wolf is my spirit animal. My totem animal. The mother wanted me to. I feel the need to.” You explained. You turned around and faced the wall of the boxcar. Gently with slight regret you pulled out one of your breast. You tentatively held the whining puppy’s lips towards your nipple. The pup instinctively latched on. You situated yourself comfortably. You were so unsure how this worked.

That's when through the sounds of the train you could hear the one last heaved breath of the momma wolf.

That's what you had feared. “She’s dead.” Anti announced solemnly.

With a deep breath in which the pup squirmed. “She may be dead but not in spirit.” You focused on the pup was this enough or did the pup need more,

That's when you heard it. Like a whisper in the wind it was the gentle concerned voice of a mother. “That’s enough.” The momma wolf whispered to you in your ear spiritually. “Neptune here is going to have to gain his strength in time.” She explained carefully. “My names Venus. I will still be here for my son. And I owe eternal gratitude towards you and your mate.” It was as if you could see the mom with a grin as she trotted away into the land of where ever she would go.

You unlatched Neptune from you nipple. And threw back on your shirt. You held the cold body in your hand and close to your body in moments you could feel Neptune warm up and fall to sleep with a full belly.

“Can I turn back around?” Anti questioned hesitantly.

You smiled. “Yeah.” Anti turned back around and came to sit next to you.

“So what his name?” He questioned caringly.

With a smile as you ran your finger over Neptune’s soft gray dipped fur. “Neptune.” You said gently.

Anti leaned his head on you shoulder “If the mother asked you to take care of her pup, did she Tell you her name” Anti asked as he looked out as the stars zoomed by with the speed of the train.

“Her name was Venus.” Your words rolled over your tongue without control as it felt like you had studied Venus’s life. “She had lived in a pack of wolves in the desert. Then she had met a loner outside of the pack. Which was forbidden. Seeking guidance she told her sister, Pluto, that the loner was the father of her three pups. Pluto ran to tell the pack leader, Sage, their father.” You cleared your throat with emotion lathered in each syllable. “The pack leader himself murdered his oldest grandchild. That grandchild was Venus’s only daughter whose name was Shimmer. If she was alive and had stayed in that pack, she would have followed in her grandmother’s footsteps, Jupiter. She would have been the alpha female of the pack.” You cleared your dry throat once more seeing Anti invested in the story. “With Venus on a journey of survival to try and find their father in hope for help. She had found him. Yet he wasn't very happy. He was rather angry since he had found some other bitch for his satisfaction who was pregnant with his pups. Keep in mind he was pretty powerful. He wasn’t castes out like Venus. He had the nerve to walk away from his pack, his family and his problems. His name, Zeus. With Venus in need of help and safety, she chose to be persistent. Which was a bad idea. Zeus had pounced on her second oldest, Mars.” You reach over and grabbed a water bottle curing your dry mouth and trying to hold back tears. “Mars was the second son. And because of his asthma and size, it was another incident of survival of the fittest. But If Mars would have somehow found a way through his illness and wasn’t murdered by his father. He would have led a similar path as his father. He too would have been a loner, he too would have found something to satisfy himself. Yet through the similarity. Their was one difference in their paths. Mars would have met his father. And killed him. He would have gotten vengeance, he would have won over his father's son, his half brother,Blue. And Mars would have taught him how to be selfless. And later on in Mar’s life he would have made his own pack from scratch. But only if he would have lived. And then there's Neptune.” You chuckled looking at the puppy in your hand. “Whose path hasn't been foretold. And we are meant to be his pack. We are meant to build the foundation of his life. Anti, I know you're doubtful, but give me a chance. He’s the runt of the litter. That has to mean something.”

Silence only followed your words.

“I was doubtful (Y/N) but not now you're committed. But would you be committed to me. Ever. Can we still be a couple through this hell.” You turned to meet his gaze.

“Of course we can. We have to give it a try at least. We can make our heaven through the hell we have to walk in.” You reassured passionately.

Anti smiled through the night. “I knew you Would say something cheesy. We should get some sleep though.” He said gently as he leaned in for a tinder kiss.

What else was yet to come?


End file.
